Life is about finding balance. Some days are filled with smiles and bliss, and then some days are challenging, frustrating, and seem hard to get through. But these days (or situations/people) can be our biggest teachers and provide an opportunity for personal growth.
Life used to be miserable for me – I contemplated ending life on a daily basis for around 8 years. Simply waking up was a mind game that reminded me how hollow and empty one could feel; day after day I would think “I just can’t do it anymore.” I used to pretend to be okay when asked and never really let anyone in or asked for help (so always treat others with kindness for you never know what’s actually going on internally). I let depression and anxiety run my life. I’d pretend to be sick or ill to avoid social outings, I got fear when invited anywhere, I hated phone calls and would wait simply to msg later, getting groceries was too much so it was ordered in. I abused alcohol and painkillers, hurt people I cared about, made mistakes, lived in shame, lost friends, and then to deal with the mess I was then calling “my life,” I abused myself – physically and mentally, day after day. Year after year.
One day I’d had enough. I contemplated life or death for many hours. Doing a typical pros and cons type list. Thankfully something stopped me. I saw a glimmer of hope, of light. I realised I was missing out on the life I could have and it was now my chance to choose life or to choose death, to be my saviour or my destroyer. It’s obvious which way I chose, and I’m not saying in anyway it was an overnight fix, but it was so damn worth it. I discovered (with some wonderful external guidances) that everything I needed to get through the darkness was within me. I had the strength and willpower and made myself a promise to choose life every single day.
Yoga, pranayama (breath work) and meditation became the tools to a new life. They allow the space and time for reflection, for self-love, self-acceptance, self-growth, non-attachment, learning to let go of anything holding you back, for coping with change, and for learning who you are down at your core so you can live your own authentic life.
It forces you to stop avoiding your fears, your dark thoughts, and places everything that needs addressing front and centre so you can work through it to find a place of bliss, clarity and stability. Whenever I miss my mat or don’t allow the space for silence and reflection my life starts to feel messy and confusing.
So it’s important to know your tools so you can stay balanced. Your friends and family are invaluable and allow you the social needs and variety to keep your soul and mind happy (so choose who you surround yourself with wisely) and are there to help guide you on your journey in life with wisdom, with laughter, and by being there when you need. Also, those friends you have weren’t always your friends. Get outside the comfort zone, meet strangers, ask questions, be curious, all friendships started from nowhere and you never know what the next “stranger” can bring to your life or what you can bring to theirs.
There are also many wonderful organisations and professionals out there equipped to help if you need it. But in the end it’s only you who can actually make the changes for a better life when and if you are ready or need to.
Some days I forget how much I’ve changed in the last 5 years and when I allow myself to reflect back I can appreciate how far I’ve come and how much I’ve actually changed. Everything that has happened along the way has shaped who I am today. Not every day is full of endless smiles and bliss, and some days are challenging and mentally confusing (I’m always working on that self-love, acceptance and forgiveness), but I made a promise to myself and I’ll continue every single day of my life to continue to stick to my word.
I choose life, love, compassion, and kindness.
Every single day.
If you need help, seek it. It’s okay to not be okay, but work on turning that around.
I’m here if you need and perhaps this program may help guide you through to your future.
Endless Love x